Face to Face

When you grab your walking stick and a bottle of water and head for the desert, it’s good to know that the greatest challenge will likely not be the external terrain.

We each – some of us in a repeated pattern – have a moment or lots of them (so the basic concept gets reinforced) when we come face to face with ourselves.

When the reflection we see in the mirror in the morning is not the person we want to spend time with. It’s not something that is going to be taken care of with a short-term diet or signing up for exercise camp. It’s the moment that we say, “I’m ready now.  Let’s go.”

Those of us who are steeped in 12-step life and spirituality know that this is when it all begins.  The moment that honesty bangs at the door and you realize that who you are is not who God created you to be.  You have lost the way and in that moment of depth in the desert, you realize that there are two choices:  death or life.

And, instinctively you recognize that moving in the direction of life will feel first like death.

Unfortunately, there are no magic wands or fairy tales that get spun when we come face to face with what blocks freedom.

It might be a substance, or a relationship, or anxiety, or depression,  or a job, or a self-deprecating pattern of harm, or a hole in the soul that leaves you alone.

But, standing face to face – doing the work it takes – the hard work of reaching out of the quicksand for a hand.  Saying to God as my beloved great-niece Madison used to say to me when she was small and puzzled into a corner, “I could use a little help here.”

Standing face to face with where we are is the Lenten journey.  As we say in the 12 step world “Life on Life’s Terms” – no magic wands, no immediate repair of life, no quick fix.  That’s when the angels show up – that’s when Grace for the next moment arrives.  When we just get willing to be brutally honest with ourselves and God – and then… someone hands you a bottle of water and walking stick and says….”I’ll walk with you”

It looks like failure
but it’s not
Standing face to face
with the honesty of now
There is something far greater
that pushes me from the reflection in the mirror
In the midst of the ashes
there is a burning ember
Beneath the frozen ground
there is a seed being nourished
In the depths of the desert
there is an angel waiting to help

We are on the road from there to something yet to be revealed
I’m grateful to walk with you…

Thanks for the walking stick
Happy to share my water with you.

Bridget